Life and Death Decisions

These consultations left us feeling emotionally stressed beyond belief. But again, God was merciful. He sent people into our lives to give us words of comfort and wisdom - parents who had gone through similar trials. Wes has a good friend who works with him at McMinnville Water and Light, Bob Banke. About a year before Daniel's diagnosis, he and his wife, Carmen,had a precious son who died of bone cancer when he was 12. Scotty had passed away on Daniel's birthday. Scotty's life and tremendous faith in Jesus, had touched countless people.

Bob and Carmen came over to our house and shared with us. Carmen explained how they had tangibly felt God's presence with them, carrying them through it all. His mercy and grace had covered them during the most painful times. They told us to remember that first God, and then Wes and I, as Daniel's parents, were the ones in charge, not the doctors. When it comes to treating a child with cancer, it's tempting to release control to the doctors almost entirely, and to surrender to their wishes and medical knowledge. But cancer doctors do follow cookie-cutter protocols. Bob and Carmen related to us some instances in Scotty's journey where they had made the mistake of giving the doctors too much authority. Not to say, doctors don't help tremendously - they do, but they are not the ones ultimately in control of the outcome.

Wes and I began in earnest to process through the issues. We prayed. We looked into alternative treatments. We did research on the internet to learn more about PNETs, and whole brain and spine radiation. And like I had mentioned before, we started manipulating Daniel's diet and giving him supplements. The auto shop owners whose daughter had died of leukemia, also gave us advice that resonated perfectly with Bob and Carmen's advice.

After a few days of deep discussion and prayer, Wes and I both realized we were coming to a unity of mind and heart, on how to proceed. We both felt the conviction to decline radiation and chemo, which could not save Daniel anyway. We did desperately want to buy Daniel as much time as possible. But buying time at the expense of killing his brain, seemed like an unmerciful and selfish thing for us to do. And most likely, he would spend the rest of his short life sick and miserable from the treatments. We recalled Pastor Rons' dream he had shared with us. We decided to proceed by doing everything we could to help him within the realm of diet, nutrition, and natural healing. And we would leave the rest to God.

The oncologist's plan was to begin treatment as soon as possible. We met with Dr. Olsen about a week after the previous consultation with her. At first, Wes played both sides of the fence, even though in our own minds the decision was made. The longer the discussion went on, the more ammunition we were given in favor of declining treatment. Once we finally informed her of our decision, she strongly opposed it. She told us we were making the wrong choice, as treatment would most assuredly buy Daniel a few more valuable months, even possibly a year or so (although the odds were stacked against this). And the result of doing nothing, would be that Daniel would die in probably a couple months. If Daniel's tumor had not been inoperable, and his prognosis not so very grim, I'm sure she would have taken us to court for child neglect - and these court decisions usually go in favor of the doctors. We also discussed our decision wth the radiation oncologist, and he was much more understanding. There were a few more meetings with Daniel's oncologist, and she used these appointments to continue trying to convince us to change our mind, and to induce guilt. She explained to us in graphic detail what would happen very soon - hydrocephalus would set in, a great deal of pain would be involved, before he finally slipped into a coma and died.

We had made our decision, and we were on our own, meaning that Daniel's current doctors had largely been taken out of the picture. But somehow, despite being devoid of any earthly hope, we still had hope. I recall these verses from Romans 5: "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." We held on to the hope that God is bigger than this terrible situation. We trusted in His ability to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all we could ask or imagine, whether that meant saving Daniel's life, or taking him to heaven and using his and our experience to bring people to Him.

(If you'd be interested in hearing an absolutely beautiful version of the song, "I Have a Maker", the song I would sing Daniel to sleep with every night, go to youtube and in the search box, type in Passion I Have a Maker. Wowwww!!)