God Is With Me

Christmas and the New Year came and went. With each day Daniel looked and felt better. Wes, Karen and I were in steady contact with Dr. Singh. He gave us lots of advice, and we closely followed it. One of the things Dr. Singh suggested was to start Daniel on a weight lifting regimen to begin building up his stamina. Everyday we focused on making Daniel healthier and stronger - with foods, weights, exercise, and alternative treatments.

One night, I woke up suddenly - but instead of recalling a dream, there were words going through my mind, and flashing as if on a screen in front of me- "This sickness is not unto death." I instantly was given tremendous peace, and an understanding that God is always with me, speaking his Word to me, even while I sleep.

The next morning, I woke up, remembered the experience, and rushed downstairs to grab a Bible. I knew the words came from the story of Lazarus, and I wanted to read the whole story. In reading it through, this particular verse struck me: "Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.' " God was telling me that He would be glorified through this trial. And although it seemed impossible, I felt God was telling me that Daniel would be OK....somehow.

Many times, I had to remind myself of that experience - my faith wavered and shook, but never crumbled. Daniel had an MRI in mid-January, 2002. MRI days have never been pleasant for me. But this MRI was excruciating. We all were hoping and praying for good news, and that's not what we got. Daniel's neurosurgeon came in to look at the scans with us, and she showed us where his tumor had continued to grow. The growth was small, much smaller than she had expected for a tumor like Daniel's. Nevertheless, there was growth. I remember looking at the scans, and listening to Dr. Wehby, and thinking, "This is not what I'm supposed to hear right now - because this sickness is not unto death!" But God wasn't finished doing His work. Dr Wehby tried to convince us to reconsider chemo/radiation. When she could see we hadn't changed our minds, she told us in no uncertain terms that Daniel would be gone soon. It was only a matter of time.

After the MRI, although discouraged that Daniel's tumor had grown, we were still very thankful for how well he was feeling, and we were more determined than ever to keep doing all we could to help Daniel get better.